Monday, June 13, 2011

And at the most unlikely of times love explodes in the heart

So, I'm floating comfortably and freely in the single life. 
Just like the ocean, there are those moments when there's an area of cold water, probably stirred up by the violent spinning of a boat propeller just a little of shore. Those are the painful moments... the ones that make me question this new adventure, the ones that are caused by harsh words or interference from both well-meaning and malicious outsiders. 
Sometimes, I wish I could just say to them, "please, leave it alone. It's over. We're walking forward. We want to heal, we want to be okay. Enemies, find your entertainment elsewhere. Friends, let's just smile and have a nice time. I'll talk when I need to." 

In reality though, these painful moments have been greatly minimized by the joy that I have found. The love I have discovered for others, and the comfort I have found regarding myself. 
For the first time in a long time, I really feel beautiful. And it's not in a material, appearance-oriented way, it's from the inside out. It's like I finally realize that this heart of mine has something to offer: love, grace, hope...  
And we all have that to offer, but I think we just have to be willing to fight a battle -a battle against negative thoughts and a judgmental attitude... and both of those are so natural for us sometimes, so easy. Sometimes finding something to love is difficult. Sometimes being angry, or hiding in bed, or burying yourself in romantic literature (while all the while scoffing at the unrealistic nature of it all) is so much easier than mustering up the courage to walk outside and look up at the sunshine and into the faces of others. It's so much easier to dwell on yourself than on the hopes and fears and hardships of strangers and loved-ones. 
But until you do this, until you step outside of yourself, your problems, your hurts, and your defeats will not grow smaller. They will only magnify under your keen focus. 

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