Friday, February 4, 2011

Today, I mustered up the courage to do something for myself.

I walked in through the back door of the Music and Mass Comm building in an angry fluster, and immediately stomped away from my patient companion's side. Stairs? Hell no. I'm taking the elevator this morning.
Last night, I laid in bed, restless, my mind racing until 2am. I had been studying for hours. I had two tests to prepare for, work at the Downtown Artist's Co-op, what was I supposed to have memorized for choir tomorrow?
Riding on that elevator, I considered how much happier I would be if I could just completely withdraw from college.
WITHDRAW FROM COLLEGE?! Umm, no. Back up for a second. Something has got to give.
I realized then that I could not keep up this current schedule. My brain is dying. My retention rate is zilch. I can't even function without vitamin B12. I can't pay attention to anyone or anything for more that 20 consecutive seconds before I start thinking about what I should be doing instead.

>>>>>Fast Forward to 3:30 pm.

I approached my professor, the conductor of Vocal Ease. This ensemble had given me so much joy, so much release at one time. Now, it had become just one more thing.

For what feels like the first time in my life, I quit something I had signed up for, committed to. I felt absolutely terrible about the girls I would be leaving behind. Two of them are people that I value and respect so much... I just knew how disappointed they would be - possibly even angry. 

But still, as I walked from the music building towards my apartment, towards friends waiting to go out, eat mexican, and let me throw back something liquid, delicious, and relaxing after this week from hell, I felt the most sincere relief I have experienced in ages.

Now I can breathe. 

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