Chamber Tour

Is it strange that I am most excited about the idle time on the bus?
So far, I've purchased the March issue of In Style, two photography magazines, and a Curious George coloring book.
Now, I just need to update my iPod, and I'll be all set!

I love traveling. I love having nothing to do besides wait patiently for my destination. I love finding ways to occupy my mind, and I love watching the highway signs pass by, each one is a picture with a thousand stories. 

Reflections on sweeter times

If you are doing what you are doing for any reason other than loving what you're doing, you may just be doing it for the wrong reason.

Re-familiarize yourself with your passion.

Remember what inspiration drove you to your current state, and find a way to reconnect.

If your heart is absent, so are you.

So I'm a little tired of school right now, but

At least I still like the pictures I take. 

This morning's sermon was beautiful.

"Clothe yourself in love, which binds together all things in perfect harmony."

Warning: This post is a pity party.

So... my Spring Break plans got cancelled.
I can't really begin to tell you how phenomenally disappointed I am.
I'm not really sure how to distract myself from the fact that my brother will be in the United States, and that I won't be with him or my sister.
I know that I should be happy and excited for everyone that does get to go, but I can't lie, every time I see an excited little facebook update about Vegas, my heart sinks a little lot.

And it's not just the Vegas trip, it's other things as well, and I realize that.

I feel like crying.

This is Appalachia, and We are home.

I've been stressing for a while about graduate school applications... and mine aren't even due for another year. 

I guess dreaming about being accepted to an art school that only welcomes 7 out of 200 applicants per year to its graduate photography program will do that to you. 

I keep wondering what I'm best at. 

Another stress has been my Senior recital, also a year away. 

Like most artists, I find that I'm best with what is familiar to me, with what I enjoy, with what comes naturally. 

I love Appalachia, everything about it. The culture, the dirt, the rust, the hippies of Asheville, the rednecks of Greene County, the mountain-man beards in Hot Springs,

the smelly hikers, weary travelers, muddy boots, and worn-in Chacos. 

All of those things are so beautiful to me, so I'm going to use them. They will be my subjects for an on-going project between now, and next Spring. 

I will take pictures of them, and I will sing about them, and on that one night that is all about me, I will combine the two actions under one title:

This Is Appalachia, and We Are Home. 

A Goldfish in a little bowl.

I need to grow. 

Today, I mustered up the courage to do something for myself.

I walked in through the back door of the Music and Mass Comm building in an angry fluster, and immediately stomped away from my patient companion's side. Stairs? Hell no. I'm taking the elevator this morning.
Last night, I laid in bed, restless, my mind racing until 2am. I had been studying for hours. I had two tests to prepare for, work at the Downtown Artist's Co-op, what was I supposed to have memorized for choir tomorrow?
Riding on that elevator, I considered how much happier I would be if I could just completely withdraw from college.
WITHDRAW FROM COLLEGE?! Umm, no. Back up for a second. Something has got to give.
I realized then that I could not keep up this current schedule. My brain is dying. My retention rate is zilch. I can't even function without vitamin B12. I can't pay attention to anyone or anything for more that 20 consecutive seconds before I start thinking about what I should be doing instead.

>>>>>Fast Forward to 3:30 pm.

I approached my professor, the conductor of Vocal Ease. This ensemble had given me so much joy, so much release at one time. Now, it had become just one more thing.

For what feels like the first time in my life, I quit something I had signed up for, committed to. I felt absolutely terrible about the girls I would be leaving behind. Two of them are people that I value and respect so much... I just knew how disappointed they would be - possibly even angry. 


But still, as I walked from the music building towards my apartment, towards friends waiting to go out, eat mexican, and let me throw back something liquid, delicious, and relaxing after this week from hell, I felt the most sincere relief I have experienced in ages.

Now I can breathe. 

Once per year

I've really been missing my brothers and sister lately.
Katie called today, leaving behind an urgent voicemail, with exciting information:
Jan Christian got a ticket for Vegas over spring break, and the two of them are willing to help pay my way.

Just two days ago, literally two days ago, I made plans to go to Florida.
I'm still really excited about my Florida plans, but I have been thinking about my siblings so much lately.

They are even the indirect subjects of my still life assignment for photo 3.

Oh well. I'm sure something will workout soon. For now, sending happy thoughts back and forth will have to suffice. Postcards, pictures, emails, and even occasional dreams of travels and rendezvous for the four of us.

Someday, we will all be able to afford to see each other more. When I get to that point in my life, my goal is to be with all three of my siblings at least once per year.